Why You Should Never Name Your Dog, Your Dog

Heed my words and avoid this nightmare. Comsider yourself warned.

First imagine what it's like not even having a dog named Your Dog.
A) Can you call your dog?
B) Sure, "Come here Pup!"
A) No, I meant can you call "Your Dog!"
B) Oh sorry.. "Your Dog!!"
A) Thanks man. That was perfect.

If that isn't bad enough, now imagine what it would be like if your dog's name was "Your Dog"?
A) Can you call, Your Dog?
B) Why are you asking him if he can call? He's a dog, he can't use the phone.
A) No I meant can you 'call' your dog?
B) He can bark, but that's about it.
A) Ok let me clarify, Can you call your dog your dog?
B) I call all my dogs my dogs.
A) Sorry, I meant can you call Your Dog your dog?
B) Of course I can call Your Dog my dog.. .hes my dog after all.
A) No, i meant can you call your Dog Your Dog?
B) Well I would only do that if it was Your Dog.
A) Wait, are you talking about my dog?
B) No, I was talking about Your Dog.
A) Oh ok, that makes sense. So I was asking if you can you call your dog Your Dog?
B) What is you problem? Of course I can call him Your Dog. That's what I named him.
A) No, I meant can you call Your Dog, Your Dog.
B) Well, if I call his name out really loud twice like that he'll get over excited.
A) What I meant is  can you call your dog, Your Dog.
B) Oh you mean Your Dog and not my other dog Bowser?
A) Yes, that one.
B) No problem! Come here Your Dog!

http://www.decontrabas.com/

Another Thing That Sucks About Christianity

So with this Thanksgiving nearly upon us, I've been soendibg some time sitting back and reflecting on all the real bad things about christianity and why christians are all fucking douchebags (I mean, c'mon.. right?).  Upon pondering, I've added another to the list that I think you'll all agree with me on.

What the fucks up with all the giving? 

I mean c'mon... from free food baskets to Christmas toys for poor kids... who the fuck do these people think they are?

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2007/11/good_people_reach_out_to_the_n.html

http://www.dailycamera.com/news/boulder/ci_24551565/churches-boulder-broomfield-longmont-accepting-donations-operation-christmas

Google to the Rescue - Gmail Tips + ?

So, once again Google has totally blown my mind (but not my balls - yet...)

This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but I just discovered that, not only does Google support multiple shortcuts (duh), but that GMail actually has a "cheat-sheet" for easy display.

Why is this important? Well... it's probably not. UNLESS your hands hurt so bad that you can't use a fucking mouse any longer. As well, this is my life. Anyway, does Google have to have a reason to be awesome? I think not. Read this and try not to consider how little it actually has to do with this post.

Harrison Ford Trying Not to Consider It

Ive been spending time Googling different pages looking for various shortcut commands. I've just found the holy grail (think Harrison Ford) of Gmail shortcuts - oh yeah... and go fuck yourself if you think it's lame (unless you're a lady, then go spank yourself ... (and then video yourslef doing it again please) ).

<SHIFT> + <?> 

This is it...No really. This is the blowjob I was talking about.

Seriously though, Shift and ? bring this popup right in the middle of what you're doing. I wont bore you (further) with any details (ie. that pressing 'g' and then 'i', jumps you directly to your inbox, or that 'c' brings up a compose window and '<ctrl> + <Enter> send a message, or .... *snore* ). Regardless, just fucking click Shift and ?, and read the shit for yourself.

Anyway, this blew my mind.

.. as did this
(psychojunc.deviantart.com )

Oh, one last thing for you Chrome users (Ctrl + Shift + N) brings up an incognito window. As well <Ctrl> + <F4> shut down a tab quickly without shutting off the whole browser. But we already knew all that .... ;) Seriously though, <Ctrl> + <PageDown> is my fav navigation tool.

Ciao

When a Rectal Prolapse Became Enticing

So I find it hilarious that my article "When a Rectal Prolapse Becomes Sexy" is my most visited post. In case you missed it, I posted it here, and it's pointing out how fucked up I think it is that the internet is plugged up (gross pun! lol) with videos of people having a rectal prolapse, and that we dudes are beating off to it. We really are fucking animals (Nggghhh... yeah! *pant pant*).

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that all the hits that have come are from people that thought it was going to be a picture or a video. Nobody left a comment.  I wouldnt! haha!

Anyway...
That's all I got tonight.

Doing Her Like A Real Man

Follow me. I've got a story to tell you.

I watched this porn video the other day where this chick was totally into it... totally getting laid into, and right at this point where she's really enjoying it (you can see on her face, she's really having a good time), the dude sticks his finger in her mouth from behind (this was all happening from behind) and pulls on her face like a fish hook. Totally surprised her, but she went right with it, and the scene rolled on.

I was like.. what the fuck was that? Was she just enjoying it a little too much for porn or something? I guess the guy felt like he needed to demean her a little (see if you can bounce your dick off her face) so the dudes watching would be able to masturbate properly. Cause you know, if you're watching porn, you can't really get off unless you put that dirtly little bitch in her place, right? Nghh.. ungh.. yeah!

Thank you for making me eat your sperm

What is it with us guys? We get off to totally treating woman like shit. It's sexy to us. Get's the blood flowing to our dicks. Somehow, the more helpless the dirty little whore is, the more we get off. Speaking of which, if a woman treated a dude the way that the dudes treat chicks in any porn, it would be considered a dominance video. However, when its the dude doing it, its just normal. Why do chicks put up with this kind of shit? It's like you don't realize that this all this isn't being done for you. It's being done to you.
Read this article if you can't figure out what I'm talking about..

I got an idea. How about a porn video... (yeah? yeah?!) where the guy.... (oh yeah! keep going!) .. screwed the girl to orgasm.. (unnhhhh,.... unhhh....) and instead of calling her a dirty whore, sperming on her face, or fish-hooking her lips.. (um. wait..) just fucked the shit out of her? And let her fuck the shit out of him? And all just because they really like sex, and may even just like to try weird shit out. (limp..).

The bizkit ain't the only thing limp here

That porn video doesn't work. It doesn't work because dudes have become addicted to getting off to dominant sex. The more we think about doing it to the girl... the more it turns us on. If you have a video where the girl is enjoying it too much and is an equal partner in the sex act, it shatters the illusion. It takes away what's really turning guys on.

Dude, I'm not against porn. I like porn. I just have a hard fucking time (pun not intended, but appreciated) watching it. Because honestly, it difficult to beat off to someone being treated poorly.

Dudes, we can either continue to act like dogs, because we think thats the only way we can really enjoy sex, or we can start acting like humans. human dudes having sex with human girls. Two fucking monkeys getting together and smashing genitals together. You're gonna find it out its better. But yeah, you're gonna probably going to have to give up on the whole tearing her panties up her ass while doing her face squished down on your car, thing. Here's what you need to do. Pull her up. Take off her panties properly, see if she needs a cushion for her forehead... and then do her face down on the top of your car... like a real man.

Im Just Gonna Call "Truth" On This One

It Is What It Is and It Really Fucking Sucks

Person 1: "I cant stop fighting with my wife. She  called me an 'asshole motherfucker', and peeled out. The kids are pretty traumatized and they hardly sleep at night anymore since she left".

Person 2: "Wow dude.. that sucks." *look of concern*

Person 1: "Yeah, well... it is what it is". *cracks a beer and leans back to watch TV*

Since when did simply accepting shitty shit* just become par for course? I'm serious, its like the prevailing philosophy is to just accept something at it's shitty face value and assume that there's nothing you can do to change it. What a (to borrow a phrase from like 1 setence ago) shitty worldview.

*I can talk like this way
because Im from the
Shitty MacShittensten Clan

Now, being the crappy dude that I am ("ay.. ye's a reel shetheel") I understand that shit does happens and often there really IS nothing you can do about it. But just to settle for it because "it is what it is?" Really?

I kind of feel more along the lines of "it is what it is, and it really fucking sucks". This line of thinking seems more helpful in motivating me towards finding a way to make it something other than simply what it is.

 The truth of the matter is that, if we all just go around accepting the shit around us, nothing ever changes. Society, relationships, or that nasty ass fungus growing beneath your balls (you are so fucking gross sometimes). Honestly (in comparison to all the dishonesty of the previous paragraphs) this isn't much better than YOLO. And OMG//. you had to go there. FML

Something else that sucks shit